Three David Lynch-ian Moments in the Last Seven Days...

Here's three moments from the past week that would sit nicely in a GOOD David Lynch film - these are all true events.

Day 1.
It was a very windy day, I had to lean into it as it was almost blowing me over. I was on King St, up near the strip joints. As I look up, I see a bright red parka flying above the trees, arms spread, hood extended - looked like an invisible man flying backwards through the air. By the time I got my phone out - it landed in someone's balcony.

Day 2.
As I reach the 4th floor at work, the door opens and there's a young woman.
She looks at me. I wait for her to step aside so I can get out of the lift.
She looks me in the eyes and then she yells out: "This is the fourth floor!"
I say: "Yes. It is."
She just stands there.
So I walk around her, she jumps into the lift and that was that.
I was hoping to bump into her later in the day and ask what floor we were on, but...

Day 3.
An elderly gentleman gets on the tram and sits in front of me. Nice shoes, blue pants, blue blazer, nice shirt with very large cuff-links, hair all slicked back, brown case in lap.
He eventually pulls out a phone and starts talking. I only caught snippets, but -
"... we got some nice shots of the lady with her legs apart, yes... [mumble-mumble]... we got a very nice one with the husband on top... [mumble-mumble]... yes, they're very nice, very colourful, I'll send them to you, they're very colourful, very nice... [mumble-mumble]..."
   My first thought was - "Wow!, a private eye!", but then I thought "Maybe a pornographer?"
   I guess we'll never know - it was my stop.
   And as I get up to leave, I see the man on my right has a purple birthmark, covering half his face...

There are two more working days left of this week, so hopefully, hopefully...

True facts about me

I'm sort of working on an autobiography in case I get dementia later...

As the facts about me come to life, I shall add to this piece. Here are some true facts about me, and the title is

EVERY WORD IS TRUE

I was born in a now-dead century.

I was made in East Germany but born in Hungary - that makes me one part Australian, two parts former Communist.

I am the descendant of a Transylvanian Count and my ancestors were Ogres - some may even have been dog-headed Tartars, but of that I’m not certain.

My great-grandfather could not be killed by a bullet to the head and his wife was Little Red Riding Hood.

I’m in love with the Maharishi of Patagonia and was gay-married to a Cadaver.

I share a home with His Holiness Doomsquish Bojangles III and Standartenfuhrer Pickletits Meowchovich Junior Senior Junior.

My father was a Necromancer and an explorer of the afterlife.

My mother’s life can beat up your dad.

My sister is literally one in a million.

I have forgotten Russian.

I am allergic to Nature.

I once met a man who said people in India have been watching television for 10,000 years - but I did not believe him.

My name is longer to pronounce than it is to write.

I am a Pope, a Reverend, a Prophet and an atheist.

I am physically Jewish, but only since I turned forty.

I bought my name from the Government.

I am only half-way through my life, but since I intend to live much longer, I may only be a tenth of a way through, or less.

I’ve walked on the back of a Dragon and have bowed to a living God.

So far that's it - today I added the line about the Ogres and the Tartars - because they're true. Every word of this is true, not one bit is exaggerated.

[Here's a pikkie as an illustration - I found it after googling my name - 
'sokay, it's a T-shirt I designed...]