Lotsa old and new stuff

Have you been checking / following my tumblr ? It's where I post a lot of old and new stuff, like this one from c.1998...

untitled dada thing
(55x37cm)

Sing along!

Check out my tumblr archives here:

gadzooxtian.tumblr.com/archive

Three David Lynch-ian Moments in the Last Seven Days...

Here's three moments from the past week that would sit nicely in a GOOD David Lynch film - these are all true events.

Day 1.
It was a very windy day, I had to lean into it as it was almost blowing me over. I was on King St, up near the strip joints. As I look up, I see a bright red parka flying above the trees, arms spread, hood extended - looked like an invisible man flying backwards through the air. By the time I got my phone out - it landed in someone's balcony.

Day 2.
As I reach the 4th floor at work, the door opens and there's a young woman.
She looks at me. I wait for her to step aside so I can get out of the lift.
She looks me in the eyes and then she yells out: "This is the fourth floor!"
I say: "Yes. It is."
She just stands there.
So I walk around her, she jumps into the lift and that was that.
I was hoping to bump into her later in the day and ask what floor we were on, but...

Day 3.
An elderly gentleman gets on the tram and sits in front of me. Nice shoes, blue pants, blue blazer, nice shirt with very large cuff-links, hair all slicked back, brown case in lap.
He eventually pulls out a phone and starts talking. I only caught snippets, but -
"... we got some nice shots of the lady with her legs apart, yes... [mumble-mumble]... we got a very nice one with the husband on top... [mumble-mumble]... yes, they're very nice, very colourful, I'll send them to you, they're very colourful, very nice... [mumble-mumble]..."
   My first thought was - "Wow!, a private eye!", but then I thought "Maybe a pornographer?"
   I guess we'll never know - it was my stop.
   And as I get up to leave, I see the man on my right has a purple birthmark, covering half his face...

There are two more working days left of this week, so hopefully, hopefully...

Fact

Fact: if you say "salt anus" while thinking of sultanas, you will most likely think you're saying "sultanas" even though you're clearly saying "salt anus".

Mind.
Blown.

A True Story

True story:
Original Wolfman actor, Lon Chaney Jr. was a baby once. And like all babies, he was a bit useless. One day he fell down in the playground, and his mother wailed: "Fallen! Fallen is Baby Lon! Fallen! Fallen is Baby Lon! "
At that exact moment - Bob Marley was born.

Lon Chaney Jr. - post-baby stage

I can smell this man's beliefs in the apartment below mine...

Fat Little Bastard 15th Anniversary Podcast

Great Googly Moogly! I make musics - did you know I make musics? Well, not as much as I used to, BUT here's 15 years of my band FAT LITTLE BASTARD squeezed into one podcast by the lovely Mat Blackwell. You will hear psychedelia, pop, rock, metal, electronica, arty stuff, a ditty about David Bowie and a song about poo. FLB is my brain put to music. May get noisy or very funny. Turn it up!!!!

Bored at Work

I get bored - idle hands become the Devil's paintbrush...

Can I Play with Cap'n Beefheart's Commodore 64?

...is a question you should be asking yourself, often.
Allow me to expand on this.

So when I was a kid, I had a Commodore 64. It was THE GREATEST FUCKING THING I EVER OWNED, thanks Dad! (No joke.)

So there was a game there called Hawkeye - you're like a cyborg in your underpants, shooting stuff - how good is that?! Anyhoo, have a listen to the game soundtrack, it's killer. In particular, have a listen to the riff at 10:00. Very nice - catchy! The game, btw, is from 1988.

Now comes Exhibit B: Iron Maiden's Can I play with Madness? Truthfully, I'm not a Maiden fan, they have many great songs, but I can't sit through a whole album - too cheesy. But Madness is a great song - especially that riff... Have a listen.

Yes amigo, that IS Graham Chapman in his last acting assignment!

The song is from 1988. Are we beginning to sniff a pattern here? No? Yes? Don't answer, here comes Exhibit C: Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band with Moody Liz. You will not diss the Captain - EVER.
So behold this ditty, but for the purpose of our adventure, I implore you to fast forward to 3:36 and crank it. Oh and note, this song was recorded 1967 or 68.

This is what living in Heaven sounds like.

Soooooooooooooooooo, fellow cannibals, what have we sniffed out here?
Aha!

Something about a particular riff if I've done my job well.

Don't think about it too hard because all this is merely the intro(!) to a mash-up masterpiece by... me!
Special guest appearances by Arthur Brown and Zappa. Go on, clicky - it's awesome!

The world needs and deserves this!

Schrodinger's Pants

If I walk down the street with no pants on = BAD.
If I walk down the street with pants on = GOOD.
If I walk down the street with my fly undone = BAD; yet I am wearing pants!
Thus, pants with fly undone is the same as no pants - yet there IS pants.
.: Fly undone is pants and no pants,
a.k.a.

Schrodinger's Pants.

It is not important for anyone to understand any of this.

As a sidenote: what would Schrodinger's Cat in Schrodinger's Pants be like?

(It is not important for anyone to understand any of this either.)

I had this dream...

Recently in Japan, I had this dream I thought I'd share because it's so wonderfully messed up.
There was a message given to me or found by me that said something like 

"Einstürzende Neubauten 11:13"

- meaning I had to find the 13th song on their 11th album (or vice versa).
I wasn't sure what it meant so I asked this young woman who wouldn't tell me. It was important that I knew what it meant so I took her hand and put her finger in my mouth and then slowly bit it off. She didn't even flinch, and I pointed out how it was just like biting a Pocky stick.

"Share Happiness - or cannibalism..."

My partner Pauline heard this so she bit one of the girl's fingers off too.
She agreed it was like Pocky, so we decided to eat more fingers.
Then the scene dissolved to sort of a news report showing models on catwalks biting their own fingers off and the voice-over said something like:
"The new craze has seems to have taken off in a big way, even celebrities are getting in on it with rapper Kanye West going so far as to remove his own head."
Cut to a Kanye concert where the man in question in a black t-shirt pulls his own head off in one quick move.
Voice-over: "Luckily he had his face disguised as a baby to hide his otherwise grotesque features."
And sure enough, Kanye's headless body is holding a head that resembles a baby's, but it is obviously wearing make-up.
THE END

What a completely abhorrent dream! I love it!

Some pointers:
- not long before this dream I actually ate the head and wing of a sparrow on a stick I bought at Nishiki market (Kyoto) - not recommended. Even some of the market-stall holders were weirded out.
- Pocky is pretty good - recommended.
- I don't really know what Kanye does generally, I've heard maybe 2 or 3 songs from him, none that I can even remotely recall. (He's not my bag, baby.)
- Here's song 13 from album #11 (Lament) by Einstürzende Neubauten. It is called Der Beginn des Weltkrieges 1914 (Dargestellt unter Zuhilfenahme eines Tierstimmenimitators) - that is, The Beginning of World War in 1914, (Presented by an Animal Voice Imitator).

When I grow up, I will be Blixa's hands.

WORSHIP THE MOWING DEVIL

I invented the mowing Baphomet guy back in 2009. He first appeared in a painting I did called The Dream has Eaten the Dreamer.

EXHIBIT "A"

It's social commentary etc, then I realised the mower Baphomet is me.

But not before I did a part 2, called The Ritual:

EXHIBIT "B"

There will be a part 3 one day when I have time (and inclination) to paint.

THE POINT of this post being: quite accidentally, I stumbled across [ THIS ] on wikipedia....

Evil mind that plots lawn-destruction...

... and now I worship the Mowing Devil.

(And Fat Satan [HERE].)

(And "BOB".)

(And me.)