Melbourne Kollage Ultra

So I/ we am starting a COLLAGE COLLECTIVE, a sort of "cool kids club" for collage makers and lovers. It'll be top shelf madness and life-changing and so on, and hey!, look a flyer:

If you're interested in any way shape or form, have questions etc:

website: http://gadzooxtian.com/collective.html
tumblr: https://melbournekollageultra.tumblr.com/
facebook event: https://tinyurl.com/melbournekollageultra

MELBOURNE KOLLAGE ULTRA:

JOIN US!!!

Fact

Fact: if you say "salt anus" while thinking of sultanas, you will most likely think you're saying "sultanas" even though you're clearly saying "salt anus".

Mind.
Blown.

A True Story

True story:
Original Wolfman actor, Lon Chaney Jr. was a baby once. And like all babies, he was a bit useless. One day he fell down in the playground, and his mother wailed: "Fallen! Fallen is Baby Lon! Fallen! Fallen is Baby Lon! "
At that exact moment - Bob Marley was born.

Lon Chaney Jr. - post-baby stage

I can smell this man's beliefs in the apartment below mine...

Can I Play with Cap'n Beefheart's Commodore 64?

...is a question you should be asking yourself, often.
Allow me to expand on this.

So when I was a kid, I had a Commodore 64. It was THE GREATEST FUCKING THING I EVER OWNED, thanks Dad! (No joke.)

So there was a game there called Hawkeye - you're like a cyborg in your underpants, shooting stuff - how good is that?! Anyhoo, have a listen to the game soundtrack, it's killer. In particular, have a listen to the riff at 10:00. Very nice - catchy! The game, btw, is from 1988.

Now comes Exhibit B: Iron Maiden's Can I play with Madness? Truthfully, I'm not a Maiden fan, they have many great songs, but I can't sit through a whole album - too cheesy. But Madness is a great song - especially that riff... Have a listen.

Yes amigo, that IS Graham Chapman in his last acting assignment!

The song is from 1988. Are we beginning to sniff a pattern here? No? Yes? Don't answer, here comes Exhibit C: Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band with Moody Liz. You will not diss the Captain - EVER.
So behold this ditty, but for the purpose of our adventure, I implore you to fast forward to 3:36 and crank it. Oh and note, this song was recorded 1967 or 68.

This is what living in Heaven sounds like.

Soooooooooooooooooo, fellow cannibals, what have we sniffed out here?
Aha!

Something about a particular riff if I've done my job well.

Don't think about it too hard because all this is merely the intro(!) to a mash-up masterpiece by... me!
Special guest appearances by Arthur Brown and Zappa. Go on, clicky - it's awesome!

The world needs and deserves this!

I had this dream...

Recently in Japan, I had this dream I thought I'd share because it's so wonderfully messed up.
There was a message given to me or found by me that said something like 

"Einstürzende Neubauten 11:13"

- meaning I had to find the 13th song on their 11th album (or vice versa).
I wasn't sure what it meant so I asked this young woman who wouldn't tell me. It was important that I knew what it meant so I took her hand and put her finger in my mouth and then slowly bit it off. She didn't even flinch, and I pointed out how it was just like biting a Pocky stick.

"Share Happiness - or cannibalism..."

My partner Pauline heard this so she bit one of the girl's fingers off too.
She agreed it was like Pocky, so we decided to eat more fingers.
Then the scene dissolved to sort of a news report showing models on catwalks biting their own fingers off and the voice-over said something like:
"The new craze has seems to have taken off in a big way, even celebrities are getting in on it with rapper Kanye West going so far as to remove his own head."
Cut to a Kanye concert where the man in question in a black t-shirt pulls his own head off in one quick move.
Voice-over: "Luckily he had his face disguised as a baby to hide his otherwise grotesque features."
And sure enough, Kanye's headless body is holding a head that resembles a baby's, but it is obviously wearing make-up.
THE END

What a completely abhorrent dream! I love it!

Some pointers:
- not long before this dream I actually ate the head and wing of a sparrow on a stick I bought at Nishiki market (Kyoto) - not recommended. Even some of the market-stall holders were weirded out.
- Pocky is pretty good - recommended.
- I don't really know what Kanye does generally, I've heard maybe 2 or 3 songs from him, none that I can even remotely recall. (He's not my bag, baby.)
- Here's song 13 from album #11 (Lament) by Einstürzende Neubauten. It is called Der Beginn des Weltkrieges 1914 (Dargestellt unter Zuhilfenahme eines Tierstimmenimitators) - that is, The Beginning of World War in 1914, (Presented by an Animal Voice Imitator).

When I grow up, I will be Blixa's hands.

WORSHIP THE MOWING DEVIL

I invented the mowing Baphomet guy back in 2009. He first appeared in a painting I did called The Dream has Eaten the Dreamer.

EXHIBIT "A"

It's social commentary etc, then I realised the mower Baphomet is me.

But not before I did a part 2, called The Ritual:

EXHIBIT "B"

There will be a part 3 one day when I have time (and inclination) to paint.

THE POINT of this post being: quite accidentally, I stumbled across [ THIS ] on wikipedia....

Evil mind that plots lawn-destruction...

... and now I worship the Mowing Devil.

(And Fat Satan [HERE].)

(And "BOB".)

(And me.)

Wrong Comic

As I pointed out on my tumblr [HERE], the character saying "Eh? Did someone speak?" totally reminds me of IT from Abruptum. Behold!, for this is ... IT:

Party on dude!

Can I Play with Madness?

I just made this - I can't believe no-one's thought of this before... or maybe they have and I just donno 'boudit...

This pikkie is a parody - no copyright infringement intended.

Just have a jolly good laugh, eh wot?

;-)


. . .

In case you donno, the song in question:



And this is Madness:
(Ever see goths dance to this? I have. Brilliant!)

Some thoughts on Evolution and Creationism

(Christian) Creationists may be right. But so are Evolutionists.
No, hear me out.

"  ... God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
- Genesis 1:27

and

"...the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature."
- Genesis 2:7

These are the first descriptions of God creating Man in the Christian Bible, namely that God makes Man in His own image.

What do Evolutionists say?

Man evolved from an ancestor common to apes and humans, no God involved.

Can these two "ideas" sit side by side or even be the SAME?

Yes they can: watch me pull a monkey outta my hat.

1. There are no descriptions of God in the Bible which say God resembles a human being. NONE.
2. God makes man in His own undescribed and unknown image.
3. Given that there are no descriptions of God's human features in the Bible - it's very possible God resembles an Ape or maybe even a monkey.
3a. Therefore, the first man can well be an ape/ monkey in God's image.
4. Over time, Man evolves to its current form, ie: the humanoid.

Thus, both ideas are right.

5. Whilst Christians may argue that Jesus being God's "only" son was humanoid proves God looks like a human - there are many technical loopholes to consider, chief amongst them the absolute lack of physical descriptions of Jesus. He may well have resembled an ape or a monkey - or a Raptor, as pointed out by the followers of the Raptor Jesus (for nowhere in the Bible does it say Jesus was not a raptor...). 

6. Afterthought:


This is a true story...