Fact

Fact: if you say "salt anus" while thinking of sultanas, you will most likely think you're saying "sultanas" even though you're clearly saying "salt anus".

Mind.
Blown.

Can I Play with Cap'n Beefheart's Commodore 64?

...is a question you should be asking yourself, often.
Allow me to expand on this.

So when I was a kid, I had a Commodore 64. It was THE GREATEST FUCKING THING I EVER OWNED, thanks Dad! (No joke.)

So there was a game there called Hawkeye - you're like a cyborg in your underpants, shooting stuff - how good is that?! Anyhoo, have a listen to the game soundtrack, it's killer. In particular, have a listen to the riff at 10:00. Very nice - catchy! The game, btw, is from 1988.

Now comes Exhibit B: Iron Maiden's Can I play with Madness? Truthfully, I'm not a Maiden fan, they have many great songs, but I can't sit through a whole album - too cheesy. But Madness is a great song - especially that riff... Have a listen.

Yes amigo, that IS Graham Chapman in his last acting assignment!

The song is from 1988. Are we beginning to sniff a pattern here? No? Yes? Don't answer, here comes Exhibit C: Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band with Moody Liz. You will not diss the Captain - EVER.
So behold this ditty, but for the purpose of our adventure, I implore you to fast forward to 3:36 and crank it. Oh and note, this song was recorded 1967 or 68.

This is what living in Heaven sounds like.

Soooooooooooooooooo, fellow cannibals, what have we sniffed out here?
Aha!

Something about a particular riff if I've done my job well.

Don't think about it too hard because all this is merely the intro(!) to a mash-up masterpiece by... me!
Special guest appearances by Arthur Brown and Zappa. Go on, clicky - it's awesome!

The world needs and deserves this!

My research into conspiracy theories...

It's all true. Here's my findings:

Is this the right way up?

Schrodinger's Pants

If I walk down the street with no pants on = BAD.
If I walk down the street with pants on = GOOD.
If I walk down the street with my fly undone = BAD; yet I am wearing pants!
Thus, pants with fly undone is the same as no pants - yet there IS pants.
.: Fly undone is pants and no pants,
a.k.a.

Schrodinger's Pants.

It is not important for anyone to understand any of this.

As a sidenote: what would Schrodinger's Cat in Schrodinger's Pants be like?

(It is not important for anyone to understand any of this either.)

I had this dream...

Recently in Japan, I had this dream I thought I'd share because it's so wonderfully messed up.
There was a message given to me or found by me that said something like 

"Einstürzende Neubauten 11:13"

- meaning I had to find the 13th song on their 11th album (or vice versa).
I wasn't sure what it meant so I asked this young woman who wouldn't tell me. It was important that I knew what it meant so I took her hand and put her finger in my mouth and then slowly bit it off. She didn't even flinch, and I pointed out how it was just like biting a Pocky stick.

"Share Happiness - or cannibalism..."

My partner Pauline heard this so she bit one of the girl's fingers off too.
She agreed it was like Pocky, so we decided to eat more fingers.
Then the scene dissolved to sort of a news report showing models on catwalks biting their own fingers off and the voice-over said something like:
"The new craze has seems to have taken off in a big way, even celebrities are getting in on it with rapper Kanye West going so far as to remove his own head."
Cut to a Kanye concert where the man in question in a black t-shirt pulls his own head off in one quick move.
Voice-over: "Luckily he had his face disguised as a baby to hide his otherwise grotesque features."
And sure enough, Kanye's headless body is holding a head that resembles a baby's, but it is obviously wearing make-up.
THE END

What a completely abhorrent dream! I love it!

Some pointers:
- not long before this dream I actually ate the head and wing of a sparrow on a stick I bought at Nishiki market (Kyoto) - not recommended. Even some of the market-stall holders were weirded out.
- Pocky is pretty good - recommended.
- I don't really know what Kanye does generally, I've heard maybe 2 or 3 songs from him, none that I can even remotely recall. (He's not my bag, baby.)
- Here's song 13 from album #11 (Lament) by Einstürzende Neubauten. It is called Der Beginn des Weltkrieges 1914 (Dargestellt unter Zuhilfenahme eines Tierstimmenimitators) - that is, The Beginning of World War in 1914, (Presented by an Animal Voice Imitator).

When I grow up, I will be Blixa's hands.

Wrong Comic

As I pointed out on my tumblr [HERE], the character saying "Eh? Did someone speak?" totally reminds me of IT from Abruptum. Behold!, for this is ... IT:

Party on dude!

Inconsequential Exploration of the Psyche (free comic)

Hello young and old!
Here's yet another comic I drew at my work, this time a short one, starring my work-buddy Bish', c/o a photo by my other work-buddy Meagan (who's name I prob'ly spelt wrong again...).
This comic is about LIFE - yes, this is serious! Innit? Gah!

dafuq?

Wrong Comics (new!)

Okay, so yesterday wasn't July 5, 1998... Bummer if you're a Subgenius.
Anyhoo - here's an all new Wrong Comic, and it's a three-pager.
ENJOY!

WRONG COMICS

... is what I shall call these cut-ups of old comics. They are re-engineered and put together all wrong. So here's some more.

Can I Play with Madness?

I just made this - I can't believe no-one's thought of this before... or maybe they have and I just donno 'boudit...

This pikkie is a parody - no copyright infringement intended.

Just have a jolly good laugh, eh wot?

;-)


. . .

In case you donno, the song in question:



And this is Madness:
(Ever see goths dance to this? I have. Brilliant!)

Bored at Work, Pt. 2

Howdy!

Been meaning to post these for ages - some desktop alterations I've been doing when bored. The images are usually pix I find in the "My Pictures" folder, or stuff I pull from the company's official website. (Shan't name the company, if you need me to be exciting, pretend I work for the Pentagon or something.)
The funny thing is, it's finally taken off at work and now others are doing it too - some of them are quite hilarious.
Anyhoo, these below are my handy works - I had to take photos as we can no longer insert USB sticks to save them...
(Not all of these pix are desktops...)

[One of my personal faves.]

[This was originally a pikkie of Malcolm Turnbull with the caption added by someone else - i found it just too darn obvious, so I gave it a facelift and taa-daa!, It's "Bob" Dobbs! Praise "BOB"!!!!]

[Obviously not a screen-shot, my amazing DADA sculpture is (all of a sudden) entitled "Capturing the Tears of Giants is Eeee, Mrow, Here Comes that Comet, Lucy, Open the Marrow You Sexy Fool!"]